where are the flagmen?

In the early winter the gas company dug a hole in front of my neighbor's house in Lynn, with a cop doing the flagman's job. Last couple of weeks they've been digging up Bartholomew St. in Peabody, with a cop doing the flagman's job at either end.

What happened to the flagmen? I have yet to see one.

MTEL/DOE infinite loop, or dead end?

I've signed up to take more MA licensure exams in May, this time Foundations of Reading and ESL. In a similar fit of validation craving three years ago, I took the Communications and Literacy and English Literature exams (described here), which allowed me to get the English Lit preliminary teaching license.

Communications and Literacy is required for all subjects. Foundations of Reading is required for specialties such as Reading Specialist and Moderate Disabilities. In the case of popular tests such as these, the testing company provides practice tests which, if memorized or at least studied carefully, effectively function as source material.

For most exams however, there is no practice test, only a "Test Information Booklet" (list here). The booklets essentially reiterate the requirements set down by the state (here). The booklet for the ESL exam has a couple of example questions. Here is one:

In the early stages of second-language development, which of the following factors in the classroom environment is most likely to lower English learner's affective filters, thereby lowering their inhibitions about using English?

Which brought my little question to mind--where to get a listing of source material to study, to prepare for questions of this nature? I called the DOE and after the usual wait and poke through the menus reached a human to ask this question. As soon as she heard the word "test", she said oh we don't have anything to do with the tests, call the testing company here is their number goodbye.

So I called the testing company (ex-National Evaluation Systems since taken over by Pearson Education Inc., in Amherst MA, to which the DOE has outsourced the creation of all these exams, and which is hiding behind a web site designed to look like part of the DOE) and the woman said, it's all on the web site. Well no it isn't I say. All you list are the requirements--you must understand this, you must understand that, with no corresponding mention of what materials you should avail yourself of, to gain this understanding. It says on your web site after all that "on this site you'll find test preparation materials". She repeated, all we have is on the web site. You could also, she said, check with the school dept. where you're interested in working. I said, I would look for an available job once licensed, not the other way around. Furthermore, it's supposed to be a standardized, state-wide test so by definition not dependent upon the recommendations of a particular school dept. Finally, the school depts. are of course part of the DOE, who directed me to you in the first place!

Frustrated at this dead end, I asked to be connected to a supervisor. You can't do that of couse, but a supervisor will call you back. Which they did while I was out. They effectively repeated what the first woman said (they even said so). Their suggestion was that I ask "coworkers" who had taken the test before, what they had studied. Assuming I have or had coworkers who knew anything about any of this. And that it's their policy not to endorse specific training materials. How convenient for them!

Apparently it is not the responsibility of either the DOE or the testing company to provide a listing of materials you should use to prepare for one of their tests! It's a perfect closed system--self-contained and impenetrable.

simply gourmet II

Out of business, alas. Simply Gourmet, we hardly knew ye. Now it is Simply Gone thus, using Perl:

$gourmet="Simply Gourmet";
($gone = $gourmet) =~ s/(.*Go).*/$1ne/;
print $gone;

Simply Gone

For some reason gourmets weren't attracted to this charming location. Their sandwiches were too expensive. The last time I went I got a falafel sandwich. The proprietor didn't have any falafel made, so rather than saying so he made a batch while I stood there for 20 minutes watching Fox News. He rushed the job, made a terrible sandwich-- falafel patty the size of a hamburger instead of smaller ones--too well-fried on the outside, raw dough on the inside. Uck.

This grimy little spot is not conducive to a business with any pretense to the upscale. Who next would like to have a go? Maybe something more along the lines of "Stavro's Fresh Chili Dog's", "EZ Bail Bonds", or "Rocky's Collection Agency".

recursive label

Pause from your dumpster diving for a moment, to ponder the matter of labels in blogger. What good are they? If you attach labels to blog entries, but do not display a list of all your labels, what is the good of the label? If I create a blog entry, say, this entry, discussing labels and label it "label", what will happen? The usual risk of recursion--that the universe might disappear into its own belly button. Let's cross our fingers and give it a try.

Are we still here?

If you click on the "label" label at the left, you'll arrive here, under the heading "Showing posts with label label." Which, sure enough, is what it's about.

How do you display an image of a label? Labels are by definition labels of something else. Little units of Heisenberg uncertainty. (Oops, put a "conflation" label on that sentence. It's the observer effect.) How do you refer to a label itself? The only thing a label cannot label is itself. With another label I guess, that says "label". Pictured here are labels. That's different though.

the Globe and the material life

The Boston Globe which has historically earned its living publishing materialist porno such as this Decorating DERRING-DO article from a year ago, is having trouble adjusting to the new realities. One of the owners of a "charming property in the Berkshires" makes a token acknowledgment of the virtue of thrift, or rather what a rich person imagines this curious notion of "thrift" might be like. They have "given themselves a renovation budget of just $15,000 a year". A pittance!

"Neither of us likes debt. So if you are looking at faucets, and the one you like is $1,400, you don’t just buy it,” Holben says. “You keep looking till you find the one you like better for $230."

A real pennypincher! Here's a nice Moen one-handle for $229.67 at Home Depot. Acceptable! But Holben's thrift does not extend, of course, to for example the 708 faucets available for less than $100. We do have our standards, after all.


More recently we see an article Closet Case, in which a young woman laments that she has 250 pairs of shoes, and so many clothes that her bedroom closet collapsed. Oh dear! Solution? Re-examination of materialist values? No, silly--hire a consultant to turn an extra bedroom into a walk-in closet!

The current "Spending Smart" series includes an article Gardening, is easy, thrifty, which compares the savings of growing your own tomatoes to the $3 you might pay for a single tomato in "some pricey groceries". And don't forget to plant some fancy heirlooms, to "impress your friends". That's spending smart!

tooting your own cheesy horn

We are lucky to live near the Market Basket in Salem, where can be found Macaroni and Cheese, Made with Real Cheese! Calling attention to the fact that On-Cor, unlike those other producers, proudly declines to exploit an apparent legal loophole that allows a product to be called "Macaroni and Cheese", even if it contains no cheese!

No such deceit for these guys, no sir. In the high stakes world of macaroni and cheese advertising, they've boldly drawn the line at the cheese, and taken their stand by God. Imagine the marketing work behind this. The frozen foods section of the On-Cor account assigned to some junior advertiser (or maybe those high-stakes guys on "Trust Me") who dreamt once, perhaps, of the DeBeers account, pondering the product differentiation. Can't really use a nutritional angle, so comes up with this. Next stop, the ravioli--"Good source of calcium and protein!"

the high stakes world of advertising

The trailer for a new TNT show "Trust Me" runs this blurb:

In the high stakes world of advertising, only the best of friends will survive.

Google "high stakes world of advertising" to see its use, not ironically, by the consumerist-mad Boston Globe, in an article about amateur ads, Shopping.com selling a Mad Man Wall Calendar (wow, talk about high stakes!), and other places.

"High stakes" advertising is an oxymoron. A lot of money changes hands in advertising of course, but that doesn't mean that any of it actually matters. What their job boils down to:











Here are the two stars of Trust Me:

The one on the left used to be on uh,
Sex and the City no--Will & Grace. He's thinking, is the cheese too orange?

The one on the right was on Will & Grace no--something called "Ed". He's thinking, are the wedges of cheese wide enough?

If I close my eyes, I cannot these two guys apart.

cheese grating jobs

Get you some!

New coffee maker with the cappuccino attachment. I need it! What's cappuccino, anyway. Get a new fridge. SUV. You could use some new clothes. Who doesn't need another pair of Nikes. Cashmere. Fur-trimmed chainsaw. Marble-topped kitchen cabinets. Patriots buy red white and blue Harleys, whether they have the money or not! 35 hp router. Replacement windows. Telescopes. Fishing reels. Pimpstar wheels. Too-high heels.

Because at some point, our jobs all became like Senior Product Manager for Deluxe Cheese Graters, Stainless Steel Division.

Growth requires that people consume more than they need. If you don't buy a stainless steel cheese grater because you already have one, or because your aluminum cheese grater is good enough, or because you don't have enough money to buy a cheese grater, or because you don't even eat cheese or even, most perverse of all, because you simply choose to get by without a cheese grater, the Senior Product Manager is out of a job. And so, eventually, are you, because you like most people have a job that depends on people buying shit they don't need.

So the government has to push money into the economy, to get people to stop being afraid of spending, and get them to start buying those cheese graters again, so we can keep our cheese-grating jobs.

That's the solution.

danger everywhere II

This common coffee cup, produced by Dopaco, Inc., seems innocent enough. No sign of danger. But wait, what's this? What hidden danger lurks within its deceivingly harmless structure? Could you cut yourself on its sharp edges? No. Might you drop it on your foot and break a toe? No! Absurd. Could your child fall into it and drown, or swallow it, or choke on it? No, no, and no. And yet...

...we anticipate danger. It could pose a risk. As a result of your action. If for example you were to fill the cup with something dangerous in some way, the ensuing risk accrues to the cup. If you filled it with lead shot, the cup would then be heavy, and pose a risk to your foot if you dropped it. If you filled it with used syringes and then sat on it, the cup would pose a health risk. Surely these are not the fault of the cup, and it is not the fault of the cup maker, if you fill it with dangerous material. And yet...





The cup may contain strychnine, or razor blades, or radioactive barium. Yet out of all the risky contents you may decide to put in this cup, the cup maker feels the need to warn us only of this one. The contents may be hot.

danger everywhere

Found on the side of a box of Aunt Jemima waffles. The result of a lawsuit?

Our child burned the house down toasting your waffles unsupervised. How were we to know about the danger! You should have put a warning on your box. It was negligence on your part not to do so. We hereby sue for $10M or will accept a settlement of $100,000 to go away.

city councilors "blast" firefighters ha ha

The Boston Globe's article about "blasting" firefighters leads with this quote:

"If this practice is happening, it's not right, and it's not fair to the people of Boston," said Councilor Salvatore LaMattina. "It's not fair if people come to work and fake injuries, and then go on workman's comp and disability."

That's blastin em, Sal! Take that!

If it's happening!?? If?? Of course it's goddam happening. It's a matter of public record.

The other examples of city councilors courageous "blasting" of the firefighters, from the article:

"For the last few years we've had diminished funds, and if these allegations are found to be true, we will certainly see to it that the practice is ended," Councilor at Large Stephen J. Murphy said in an e-mail. Murphy added that the actions of a few could taint "an otherwise honorable department."

Councilor Sam Yoon, a strong supporter of the firefighters' union, said he hoped the probe would "provide some much-needed transparency and accountability to the department."

Such withering blasts!

Seventeen-year-old kids have to pee in a cup to work at PetSmart, but Boston firefighters will only consider drug testing if it's part of "contract negotiations". In other words, we'll submit to a drug test if you give us more money. How about they get as much money as the kids at PetSmart?

simply gourmet

Sunday, 9:30 AM. Ah my quaint lovely neighborhood. The Sandwich Maker on the corner has changed hands yet again. Now it's Simply Gourmet. They didn't bother with a new sign--that's the old Sandwich Maker in the chef's hat. They just painted over the old name.

This place, it practically shouts "Gourmet", doesn't it. And, they have bagels! What better time for a bagel than a Sunday morning. There's a big Now Open sign on the wall, and two Open flags out front. But, it's closed. No bagel for me.

It's open and closed!

Note the bench. Makes you want to sit right down and spend time with your bagel and coffee. I can barely resist the urge. Click on the pic for a better view of this charming spot.

 

how to program the unit

For optimal function place the unit within the range of earthly temperature. Unit controls provide multidimensional functionality for your convenience, depending on Mode. Modes are as follows:

• Automatic. Pre-program this Mode to cause the unit to automatically not do what you have specified due to pre-programming error on your part.
• Manual. Program (do not pre-program!) this Mode to cause the unit to not do what you have specified in "real time" due to programming error on your part.
• Manuel. Program (or pre-program) this Mode to make the unit not do what you have specified in the future (manana). (Update using tilde Mode where available.) Do not intermingle or otherwise mingle with programming in Manual Mode or Automatic Mode.
• Vibrate/dishwasher. Use this mode to provide sensual delight at inopportune moments such as when Rev. Teabag visits. Vibrates by default, unless another default was specified when in Automatic Mode, or default was disabled when in Manual Mode, in which case the no-default default action as specified by the no-default default action menu item, is initiated. The default no-default default action is to wash the dishes.
  
• Plagiarism detection. Vibrate, emit gong sound (ed.: check for existence of name of sound emitted by struck gong) or wash dishes, depending on default setting, if reference to Rev. Teabag is detected to be plagiarized.

Failure to specify Mode prior to programming will initiate "Modeless" Mode in which results are not guaranteed.

Batteries are not included with the unit. Obtain and insert batteries upon arrival of the unit. Replace batteries before suboptimal performance of the unit manifests in the physical realm. Replacement batteries are unavailable unless otherwise specified. Replace only with batteries approved by the Dept. of Usuriously Overpriced Replacement Parts. Use of non-approved, disapproved or unapproved batteries will void the warrantee unless otherwise specified.

Replacement of flange, flywheel, gasket or rotational cog interface will likewise void the warrantee of the unit unless the warrantee has been voided already for other reasons in which case the result is moot. See The Warrantee of the Unit, Sections 1.1 through 27.12 and Section 27.16 "Cases in which actions that would normally void warrantee are moot".

Do not lose the unit. Loss of unit reduces functionality and is not covered in the warranty. If unit is lost proceed as follows: 1. Find the unit. 2. Do not re-lose the unit.

Warning: Contents of the unit may be hot! In cases in which the unit has contents, which may be hot. Applies only to certain models except where otherwise specified in which case, applies to all models.

in times of peace...

Cartoon by Grant E. Hamilton, circa 1900, from The American Past by Roger Butterfield, p. 290. Click on the image to see a larger version.

my arabic book sucks

Course materials for learning Arabic are apparently famously awful and doubtless contribute to the perception that it's a difficult language. Put another way, it's a difficult language made even more difficult by lousy course materials. There are enough examples of this awfulness to fill a separate blog, which time creating however would be better spent studying the language. Here is one example though.

Here's the word for "feminine", introduced on p. 7 of the textbook Al-Kitaab fii Ta'allum al-'Arabiyya. It's pronounced more or less, "muwa'nnath". It reads right-to-left. The sperm-shaped thing above the first loop (letter m) is a damma indicating the short vowel "u", thus "mu". The little slashes are fatHa indicating the short vowel "a" thus "wa", and "na". The single dot and the triple dots are part of their respective letters taa and thaa. The backwards 2 is a hamza which is a glottal stop, like a little coughy "eh" sound. The little w is a shadda which means you hold the consonant underneath (in this case the n) a double beat.

All well and good. This is a "fully vowelled" word which is how kids and foreigners first learn to read. Actual normal writing however dispenses with the short vowel markings because adults don't need them anymore thus, once introduced, the book presents the unvowelled form in the next para, as part of the weaning process:

Now the helpful sperm thingy (damma) and the two slashes (fatHa) are gone. The dots remain because they are part of the letters. I'm not sure why the backwards 2 hamza remains but the little w shadda is gone. I guess the shadda is considered part of vowelization but the hamza isn't. Okay, you're the textbook.

Just be consistent, is all I ask.

But what's this! Next paragraph:

Now, the sperm guy is back (the damma, short vowel for "u"), but the slashes aren't back (the fatHa, short vowel for "a"). And the shadda is back! Er, now...what the heck is the pattern here? What are they trying to demonstrate?

But wait, there's more! Turn the page and:

A variant of the second version, with no short vowel markings (sperm and slashes gone), and with the shadda back again!

I know, I'll look in the glossary in the back! And find this.

Hmm. This time the damma is missing, the first fatHa is missing, but the second one is there!

Five variations. This is indeed "hard" because there's no pattern--but it's not the language's fault.

Here's a pedagogical principle to try that's so nutty, it just might work: present words in a particular way and stick to it. If there's a reason to change the presentation, say so, then stick with the change.

the fastest way to learn a language

RosettaStone's TV ads claim it's the "fastest way to learn a language". Last year the Peabody library got a multi-language license allowing members to use RosettaStone at home, for free. This was so successful among library patrons that RosettaStone wised up and backed out of the deal, so it's no longer available. While it was I had a chance to try it out and as far as I got, it seemed excellent. Level 1 of Arabic costs $209.

The claim of being the "fastest" though, is absurd. Putting "fast" and "learning a language" in the same sentence is preposterous. "Efficient", maybe. A woman in one of the TV testimonials claimed to learn more in a couple of weeks using RosettaStone than "months of formal classes". She must have been sleeping through her classes. Anyway it's not a race, and there cannot be a hurry. You can only retain new information at a certain rate. Marketing to Americans though, the emphasis has to be on go-go-go. And it's funny, you never hear a word of another language, in their ads. People don't want to hear that, they just want to know that it's fast.

I don't think RosettaStone even has a textbook, nor does it include any training in writing a non-western script like Arabic, or composing sentences. Different people learn in different ways. I don't like being tied to the computer, and do better with a textbook and an iPod. Creating playlists of vocabulary, setting the iPod to repeat, and going for a walk suits me.

carrottop frisbee

So the Archdiocese is giving up the CarrotTop Frisbee chain.

Quick turn up the radio to hear that again oh, Caritas Christi. My two kids were born at "Caritas" St. Elizabeth's in Brighton, and I am going deaf. Another channeling of the old man--why is everybody mumbling! Scuba diving didn't help. Though of the five senses, hearing is maybe the one I'd miss the least. On any given day, I could do without hearing about 95% of what I hear. I already watch TV with the mute on most of the time, because it's obvious what they're saying.

Be careful!
We have to talk.
Now listen to me, I have something very important to say:
Carrottop Frisbee!

We Have to Talk

I hate this. Like "talking" is some discrete activity separate from what we were doing when you just said that.

We already are talking! Just keep talking!

Similar to common movie/TV trope:

Are you listening to me? Listen to me. Are you listening? I have something very important to tell you. Are you ready? Okay, now listen...

...then they're shot before getting the words out.

If you've got something to say, just say it.

Children of Men and other wasted premises

I read Children of Men by PD James about 15 years ago because of its cool premise--sudden worldwide infertility. It takes place in the near future. Years pass. The world's youngest person is a reluctant celebrity at age 18. Then, a girl is pregnant...

I saw the movie recently. Terry Gross on Fresh Air interviewed the director Alphonso Cuarón. They spend a lot of time talking about the technical difficulty and resulting fabulousness of a continuous shot of Clive Owen dashing through a street in mid-battle between British security forces and revolutionaries, on his way to delivering the pregnant girl to...well I never understood to whom.

The movie and the book both waste the premise by using it as a mere backdrop to a chase movie. The mechanics of getting two persons from Point A to Point A may make for movie thrills, but are not interesting. What is interesting are the social implications of no kids. The loss of hope for a society with no future. But books and especially movies have to personalize whatever issue they bring up, for the sake of "story".

Two other movies that likewise wasted a premise:

Jurassic Park, in which the cool concept of smart, small dinosaurs wreaking havoc on an island off the coast of South America, was wasted by keeping them on the island and having them chase half a dozen humans around. Yawn. Imagine the movie, in which they get loose into the mainland, and are too quick and small to be defeated by any conventional means. The typical movie of this type focuses on a large threat but large creatures are easy targets. These are more akin to supersmart carnivorous rats--hard to kill! Societies break down as these invaders breed and spread, while the world is slow to react to this new threat.

The Day After Tomorrow, a dreadful flick in which a new Ice Age is used as the backdrop for intrepid Dennis Quaid schlepping through bad weather from Washington DC to New York, to reunite with his teen-aged son Jake Gyllenhaal. Millions perish while we are expected to care whether Dennis gets to give Jake a huggie at the end.