retire, or else

Today was my last day at Coswell's Cogs. I took an "enhanced" early retirement, or EER. Engage the cliche generator, Igor!

What a long strange trip it's been. So long and thanks for all the fish. It's been great working with such a great bunch of great people. It's new beginning--a new adventure!

A load of malarkey, of course. Leaving like this sucks. People took the EER because they concluded that it might suck slightly less than sticking around. A gloomy calculation, disguised poorly by the tinny tone of the resolute affirmations made by its victims. Hear how sprightly I sound, as I dump myself out onto the pavement, for the good of the corporation! See how I demonstrate my devotion to the system that spits out its workers merely because of their age! Here's a buck, granpa, now scram and be thankful it's not a kick in the teeth. You clutch your buck and like a good capitalist tool express your gratitude. This sure is great, a new beginning! Not like those other, old beginnings.

It's the movie Logan's Run--the only thing you can't have in Logan's world is your 50th birthday. Unless you run away...

So I limp out the glass doors, swallowing the bile that rises when I think how our once-nimble and productive organization was changed into an army of petty bureaucrats, harassing an ever-dwindling number of actual workers.

Now I scrape by, fishing through rubbish bins for deposit bottles, with barely enough money to buy scraps of bread for my poor enfeebled babies...well a bit premature perhaps, as I've only been unemployed for six hours.

I'm so happy to be a part of this great new adventure!