how to program the unit

For optimal function place the unit within the range of earthly temperature. Unit controls provide multidimensional functionality for your convenience, depending on Mode. Modes are as follows:

• Automatic. Pre-program this Mode to cause the unit to automatically not do what you have specified due to pre-programming error on your part.
• Manual. Program (do not pre-program!) this Mode to cause the unit to not do what you have specified in "real time" due to programming error on your part.
• Manuel. Program (or pre-program) this Mode to make the unit not do what you have specified in the future (manana). (Update using tilde Mode where available.) Do not intermingle or otherwise mingle with programming in Manual Mode or Automatic Mode.
• Vibrate/dishwasher. Use this mode to provide sensual delight at inopportune moments such as when Rev. Teabag visits. Vibrates by default, unless another default was specified when in Automatic Mode, or default was disabled when in Manual Mode, in which case the no-default default action as specified by the no-default default action menu item, is initiated. The default no-default default action is to wash the dishes.
  
• Plagiarism detection. Vibrate, emit gong sound (ed.: check for existence of name of sound emitted by struck gong) or wash dishes, depending on default setting, if reference to Rev. Teabag is detected to be plagiarized.

Failure to specify Mode prior to programming will initiate "Modeless" Mode in which results are not guaranteed.

Batteries are not included with the unit. Obtain and insert batteries upon arrival of the unit. Replace batteries before suboptimal performance of the unit manifests in the physical realm. Replacement batteries are unavailable unless otherwise specified. Replace only with batteries approved by the Dept. of Usuriously Overpriced Replacement Parts. Use of non-approved, disapproved or unapproved batteries will void the warrantee unless otherwise specified.

Replacement of flange, flywheel, gasket or rotational cog interface will likewise void the warrantee of the unit unless the warrantee has been voided already for other reasons in which case the result is moot. See The Warrantee of the Unit, Sections 1.1 through 27.12 and Section 27.16 "Cases in which actions that would normally void warrantee are moot".

Do not lose the unit. Loss of unit reduces functionality and is not covered in the warranty. If unit is lost proceed as follows: 1. Find the unit. 2. Do not re-lose the unit.

Warning: Contents of the unit may be hot! In cases in which the unit has contents, which may be hot. Applies only to certain models except where otherwise specified in which case, applies to all models.